Even if I didn’t have a close relationship with the recently deceased, I often let loose with uncontrollable tears at the funeral, wake or just talking about it. Sometimes I don’t even know why I’m crying – whether it is grief for the surviving family members, sadness that I will no longer be able to tell him “Hello”, or varying sources of guilt. Most likely it is a combination of these and other natural feelings of mourning.
I cry for the departed, his family and his friends. And I also cry for my own family and friends. Tears of gratitude. Though I have had various loved ones pass away, I have not yet experienced the death of someone very close to me. For this I am very thankful. However, as William Authur Ward put it, “Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.”
I have an abundance of wrapped presents locked up inside me. I am so thankful for the many blessings on me. I am thankful for my husband. I am thankful for my parents, for their love and support. I am thankful for my brothers and sisters for their love and unconditional friendship. I am thankful for my grandmother, for her love and encouragement. I am thankful for my aunts, uncles and cousins. I am thankful for the wonderful family I have married into; I do not think of them as ‘in-laws,’ but simply as family. I am thankful for how welcoming they have been to me. I am thankful for the wonderful people strategically placed in my life, my friends and my acquaintances. I am thankful to have a job. I am thankful for the minute and the grandiose treasures each day brings.
This one paragraph does not even open the dusty door to reveal the wrapped presents. Words cannot express the gratitude I feel for each of these blessings (and others unmentioned). I am overwhelmed with love and appreciation stuffed in pretty boxes waiting to be given from the last 25 years. I need to start giving these gifts away…
To help me show my appreciation, I am going to start writing in a gratitude journal (there’s an app for that). I once read a book “Simple Abundance” by Sara Ban Breathnach. It is a day by day guide to living a fulfilling life. It is not common in bookstores, but it is a wonderful book. I highly recommend it to women. That book is where I first got the idea of creative meditation and the first I had heard of a gratitude journal. I am grateful for the women who introduced me to it. I am going to document at least five things for which I am thankful for daily. And in return, my new iPhone app is going to give me an inspiring quote (the app is by ‘happytappers.’ :) Because it is on my phone, I can write down the things I am thankful for as I am thinking of them and not have to try to remember at the end of the day.)
He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has. ~Epictetus
*After writing the first paragraph above, I did a quick Google search on ‘feelings of mourning’ and came across the following piece. I thought it was interesting and wanted to share.*
If we humans lived our lives separately from others, needing and relying on no one but ourselves, then the loss or death of another would have little impact. But we are social creatures. Compared to other animals, we spend a remarkably long period of our lives—18 or more years—living with and depending on our parents. We are born into families. We grow and live surrounded and supported by our social environment. We make friends with, go to school with and work with our neighbors. It is part of our makeup to form strong bonds of caring and affection with other people. The forces that draw us to others are so deeply entwined in our nature. We respond to these forces in powerful and seemingly involuntary ways. We feel these pressures keenly when we are lonely and bereft of companionship; when we feel ashamed and fear social disapproval; and especially when we fall in love and long for the love of another person.
Source: http://www.ncpamd.com/bereavement.htm
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