…the harder you try the worse you look…
It’s true!
Seriously, you could take ten pictures of the same thing with different lenses and get totally different images. Likewise, if you ask ten different people what they thought of the same person, I bet you would get eight different answers… consistently…
From one person to the next, your personality and demeanor are presented and received differently.
It’s a marvelous concept: the photos you’re looking at are the camera’s interpretation of you…
and, well, the way you act is your interpretation of what you think the other person thinks of you…
Not everyone may be this way…but I know I am…and not only do I look/ act differently around different types of people… but my thoughts and feelings change, as well… …However, in reality, I’m sure the way I feel is actually what is causing me to act differently…
For instance:
When I am with my husband, I feel confident and smart and beautiful. I openly engage in our conversations with intelligent ideas (sometimes) and silly remarks. I don’t think (too hard) about the things I say or actions I take. And I often surprise myself with the clever words that flow out of my mouth. I have always been this way with him. And I think that is why he loves me (and why I love him) …because he has seen the best sides of me – because his presence brings them out.
However, when I am with, let’s say, a potential employer or one who in some way intimidates me, it is a COMPLETELY different ball game. I try so hard, yet bits of information that I could otherwise impress them with (and normally recite at the drop of a dime), escape me… and not only that – they are replaced with comments and phrases that don’t make any sense and are often self-deprecating in the oddest of circumstances…
That ‘game’ is annoying! It is frustrating, and it tends to tarnish the other lenses that were ‘perfect’ before - due to the strength I use to beat myself up afterwards…it is a weakness. And a weakness I have chosen to work on.
I want to choose one lens. A lens that sees all different aspects of me, but a lens that sees those aspects in the best of lights. All the time. Even when I do something silly…or something that doesn’t make sense (which is often). I want this lens to even love those ‘pictures’ the same as any other.
My problem is not in my current ‘world,’ but in the obscurity of moving - getting to where I’d like to be. I have a lot to offer, and all I have to do is prove it. I am no longer going to let the wrong lens get in the way of that…
In other words, I am going to love myself, believe in myself – genuinely, unconditionally and eternally. Just as much out of the protective walls of my comfort zone as in them.
As part of this initiative, I am going to be very conscious of picking the right people to be around. I’m going to deliberately choose the best lenses.
In all honesty, I think I’m already pretty good at that. I am constantly surrounded by people I love, people who love me, people I admire and people I would like to be more like. And when I find myself making a habit of being around a person who does not in some way add value to my life or I am adding value to their life… I move along.
But I am going to pay even more attention this time around. I am going to make a point to be around those who really bring out the best in me and then I’m going to remember how that feels. I am going to meditate on that feeling. Let that feeling carry me through the tough times. And then I am going to somehow communicate with those people how much they really mean to me...loving myself makes it so much easier to love other people…
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