Shooting Star

Yesterday, I had to work late. But, I didn’t have any plans and Matt was in Chicago, so it really wasn’t that big of a deal… anyway…before I left, I wanted to post something on facebook…anything… just to get my ‘social fix,’ since I was going home to be alone for the night. For some reason, the lyrics to Marcy Playground’s “I smell Sex and Candy” were the only words I could even think of… “Hanging out, downtown by myself… I had so much time to sit and think about myself…then there she was…like double cherry pie…yeah there she was…” I almost posted them but thought it may be a little weird to anyone not knowing the song or trying to read deeper than the lyrics and into my soul via my facebook status… so… I tried to think of something that happened to me during the day…the best I could come up with was benefit information (getting your wisdom teeth pulled falls under ‘medical’ not dental’)… It was applicable…but boring. And I recognized this, but posted it anyway. Kind of a desperate attempt at social interaction, I’d say… but maybe someone got use of it. :)

Anyway… after all of that time (It was probably a solid minute and a half!!), I left the office. On my way home, I saw a shooting star! Can you believe it?! I was so excited! Right by myself…that’s the kind of thing you want to share with someone! So, I posted it on facebook (please don’t tell the cops it was while I was driving… I kept it short and simple and left my eyes on the road! I don’t do that very often, but I felt the need to post immediately, in case I could share that moment with anyone else who was driving or in other form outside to see the celestial surprise!) And…Woot! Someone did see it! :) That was awesome! Totally worth the potential ticket!

I guess my point is: A handful of patience is worth more than a bushel of brains.

I tried so hard to force a facebook status…and it sucked… but if I would have just been patient, a much more interesting one would have come to me ‘naturally’…

Yes, I realize this is a trivial analogy…but it made me think about other aspects of my life. How sometimes I try to ‘force’ things to happen or do certain things when I’m not 100% on board with the idea. I typically feel that same ‘reserved’ feeling. Kind of like an opposing magnetic force.

The right things will happen as they’re supposed to happen, when they’re supposed to happen… you may be able to ‘force’ your way around, but it doesn’t give you the same warm and fuzzy as going with your gut…

I’ve also noticed that whenever I ‘force’ something, it typically ends in regret… typically not painful regret…but just ‘why did I do that?’ or ‘why didn’t I do that?’ scenarios… you know?

I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end.
- Margaret Thatcher

Our house is coming along!

One month and 5 days later…

Whew. October should have been called WoWctober this year! I cannot believe it has already come and gone. Which means it is now NOVEMBER! Next month is December! WHAT?!? Really?? But I love Christmas, and Matt and I will be living in our new home by then, so I am very excited and will get over the fact that life is moving way too fast at the moment…

Can I please tell you about it? :)

SOO, as you know, Matt and I closed on our first house together on October 1, 2010 at 10AM. It was very exciting…in an “I know that once this is over we will share the love and debt of a new house…our beautiful home” sort of way. There were a few complications...well, not really complications, but more, time consuming hiccups, as they sorted out the paperwork. But all in all, it was a successful signing! And we couldn’t have been happier…then we went back to work, so we could pay the mortgage to come…

After slaving away the day in the office, we met his parents at our new (sans cabinets, toilets, lights, doors, shutters, tub, etc.) home for a glass… err… plastic cup… of champagne and tour de home! Oh, it was lovely!! Thank you so much for sharing in our celebration! :)

Since then, we have been super busy…designing our kitchen, picking out cabinets, granites, faucets, lights, sinks, toilets…you name it! It has been quite the process. *Reminder of how awesome Matt is right about now*You might think that having the ability/freedom to choose your own fixtures and such would be nice….but…well… it’s hard work…don’t get me wrong… it is better than having shuckle we don’t like…but, we both have full time jobs…and, in the end, if we don’t like it, we’ll have no one to blame but ourselves… this project comes with a lot of pressure and responsibility… and could benefit from a lot more time than we’re able to provide…

But… I think we’ve got it under control…

As of yesterday, the cabinets were in and stained with granite countertops, the entertainment center is almost complete and the master tub is put away. And it all looked nice! Woohoo!! There’s still a lot of work to do, but it’s finally starting to look livable – and we like it!! On top of that, we’ve been busting our bottoms (and Skip’s) in the yard on the weekends. :) Who knew such a small piece of land could take so much work! It was actually kind of funny… A couple of Sundays ago, Skip (Matt’s best man/best friend) let us borrow some of his fancy yard tools and his time. We had been raking, blowing, pulling vines, trimming hedges, etc. all day and made several nice piles of… yard junk…. Skip had his handy dandy wood chipper. So, nearing sunset we started chipping away…we made it through several piles when the bag broke and dust flew everywhere! Mouths wide open! As we all started hacking away…Skip omnisciently stated, “that’s the taste of home ownership…” …touché, Skip, touché…

We also picked out all of our appliances…actually, we did that first. Thankfully, since Matt is a gourmet chef, he had a good idea of what he wanted. Though we didn’t go with what he REALLY wanted (which was outrageously expensive), we picked out some pretty nice stuff… and found a great deal! We bought everything together at Sears during a special. I can’t remember the exact figures, but it was something like for every $1000, you receive $150 in gift cards – immediately! That worked well for us. We bought all of the kitchen and the washer/dryer on the spot... Granted…we did spend pretty much ALL DAY one Saturday with the very nice Sears specialist, Neena. Thankfully she was quite patient as we sorted through model numbers and such...She knows us on a first name basis now… Two weeks after the first 4hr Sears trip,we decided to change our minds…not completely, but we just wanted a different handle on all of the same appliances. Unfortunately, she had to undo and redo everything individually because of the special that was going on at the time of original purchase…poor Neena… But she was very friendly and we made it through! Appliances should be delivered on Monday! Yay!

I can’t believe this house is actually going to be ours..and in a few weeks we will be all moved in…

Closing time...

Goodness…being an adult is hard …

And that is all I have to say about that…

Just kidding.

But that does just about sum it up. Being an adult is wonderful. And rewarding. But stressful. And consequential…

I am very fortunate and eternally grateful for the many blessings on me. Not the least of which is my wonderful husband. He makes adulthood so …painless… I am not going to go into mushy detail, but that man is ‘something else’! :) I LOVE YOU, MATT! Thank you for being you!

Outside of getting old…when I think of being an adult, four descriptions immediately come to mind: job, marriage, house, kids …

Job- 1st step out of college and into the real world… check

Marriage- Falling in love and committing to one person for life… check

House – tomorrow we close on our house. Ok. I said it. Yep! On 10-01-10… we’re going to be writing our own binary code!!! And it will be 100% worth it, because we have found the house of our dreams! Under foreclosure! I still can’t believe it! This is going to be one heck of a journey! …our dream house doesn’t have anything in it… no appliances, no doors, no toilets, lights…dot dot dot… so, first we have to make it livable…then we have to move in..then decorate. And keep it clean. And make it ours. And, oh my goodness… I can’t believe we are going to be homeowners… that is one big responsibility… check…

Kids – give us a little while for that one…

Ok…so I guess what I’m saying is… I probably won’t be posting too much over the next few months as we get things situated… I would really like to take the time to write about our journey every day or at least once a week…but…well… you know how that goes…

Wish us luck!

My Rockband Crush...

Sooo… I promised you a blog post on Mikel Jollett, lead singer for The Airborne Toxic Event, who Matt and I saw live and ‘sweat in your face’ in concert a couple of weeks ago in Chicago. (Was it really only a couple of weeks ago? WOW! life has been super duper busy!) I guess this is what it really means to be an adult…?

Anyway...First, I should really mention how much I am NOT one of those girls who fantasizes about every hot famous guy on TV... I really only remember one other guy off the bat (pun intended) - David Justice - who used to play for the Braves...

But anyway, back to Mikel...I am going to begin by telling you how we first ‘met.’ One night last March, Matt took me out to dinner- sushi at MF Sushi Bar. I’m pretty sure it was a Sunday, because I was training for the ING half marathon and had run 9miles earlier that day. … though it may have been a Saturday -- but I usually did long runs on Sundays…anyway… it was the weekend and I was tired and sore. By the time we devoured our phenomenal spicy tuna tartar and other mouth watering slabs of fish, I was ready to go back home and go to bed…

However, Matt and I talked it through and, with hesitation, decided to stick with our original post-dinner plans of seeing The Airborne Toxic Event at the Drunken Unicorn. I had never heard of the band (outside of one video link Matt sent me of their appearance on David Letterman)…but I had heard of the venue – how fun, small, stinky and sweaty it was- UGH…regardless, I wanted to check it out for myself :) - we could leave if it got too bad…

The Drunken Unicorn did not disappoint! Matt and I were the preppiest people in the room…and we … well... were dressed to see a rock concert. I was definitely skeptical... But as soon as the band started playing - like, the very first note- I was hooked! (and glad I was, because there was no moving or squirming your way out of this place...)

The band was so enthusiastic... and cute ... and talented! Here's the link Matt sent me:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RG7LvRC12Jo

Nuff said...

But then, I started researching them and found out the scoop...Mikel started the band after a really bad week... Like REALLY bad- he and his girlfriend broke up, his mom was diagnosed with cancer, and he got pneumonia and diagnosed with autoimmune disease. Link to an interview here:

http://www.shmoop.com/sometime-around-midnight/meaning.html

...And before all of that, he had an office job, then a writing career... Check out this inspiring article he wrote for Men's Health in November 2006, titled “Brad Pitt Whipped Me into Shape”

http://www.mh.co.za/fitness/getting_started/1634/Brad-Pitt-whipped-me-into-shape

And on top of all that, he is so darn charming and sweet and cute and ... :)

... Now tell me I'm not justified on my 'obsession'...

Tears of Gratitude

I don’t handle death very well.

Even if I didn’t have a close relationship with the recently deceased, I often let loose with uncontrollable tears at the funeral, wake or just talking about it. Sometimes I don’t even know why I’m crying – whether it is grief for the surviving family members, sadness that I will no longer be able to tell him “Hello”, or varying sources of guilt. Most likely it is a combination of these and other natural feelings of mourning.

I cry for the departed, his family and his friends. And I also cry for my own family and friends. Tears of gratitude. Though I have had various loved ones pass away, I have not yet experienced the death of someone very close to me. For this I am very thankful. However, as William Authur Ward put it, “Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.”

I have an abundance of wrapped presents locked up inside me. I am so thankful for the many blessings on me. I am thankful for my husband. I am thankful for my parents, for their love and support. I am thankful for my brothers and sisters for their love and unconditional friendship. I am thankful for my grandmother, for her love and encouragement. I am thankful for my aunts, uncles and cousins. I am thankful for the wonderful family I have married into; I do not think of them as ‘in-laws,’ but simply as family. I am thankful for how welcoming they have been to me. I am thankful for the wonderful people strategically placed in my life, my friends and my acquaintances. I am thankful to have a job. I am thankful for the minute and the grandiose treasures each day brings.

This one paragraph does not even open the dusty door to reveal the wrapped presents. Words cannot express the gratitude I feel for each of these blessings (and others unmentioned). I am overwhelmed with love and appreciation stuffed in pretty boxes waiting to be given from the last 25 years. I need to start giving these gifts away…

To help me show my appreciation, I am going to start writing in a gratitude journal (there’s an app for that). I once read a book “Simple Abundance” by Sara Ban Breathnach. It is a day by day guide to living a fulfilling life. It is not common in bookstores, but it is a wonderful book. I highly recommend it to women. That book is where I first got the idea of creative meditation and the first I had heard of a gratitude journal. I am grateful for the women who introduced me to it. I am going to document at least five things for which I am thankful for daily. And in return, my new iPhone app is going to give me an inspiring quote (the app is by ‘happytappers.’ :) Because it is on my phone, I can write down the things I am thankful for as I am thinking of them and not have to try to remember at the end of the day.)

He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has. ~Epictetus

*After writing the first paragraph above, I did a quick Google search on ‘feelings of mourning’ and came across the following piece. I thought it was interesting and wanted to share.*

If we humans lived our lives separately from others, needing and relying on no one but ourselves, then the loss or death of another would have little impact. But we are social creatures. Compared to other animals, we spend a remarkably long period of our lives—18 or more years—living with and depending on our parents. We are born into families. We grow and live surrounded and supported by our social environment. We make friends with, go to school with and work with our neighbors. It is part of our makeup to form strong bonds of caring and affection with other people. The forces that draw us to others are so deeply entwined in our nature. We respond to these forces in powerful and seemingly involuntary ways. We feel these pressures keenly when we are lonely and bereft of companionship; when we feel ashamed and fear social disapproval; and especially when we fall in love and long for the love of another person.

Source: http://www.ncpamd.com/bereavement.htm

In honor of Jeff...

Last week was very busy… in a ‘let’s hop on a plane to Illinois on a Tuesday evening and return on Thursday night without taking a day off of work’ kind of way. It was so much fun! (though it sounds spontaneous, we had actually been planning it for months…) Every single day of last week was filled with some sort of excitement or busy-ness… not the least of which was Matt flying me up to the Windy City from Hotlanta to see (and Meet and Greet) one of my FAVORITE bands, The Airborne Toxic Event! That was incredible—and I will definitely blog in more detail about the trip and my (not so) secret crush, Mikel Jollet… (THANK YOU, MATT!!!)

Outside of Chicago, I wanted to write about random thoughts and things, including our unplanned, but well spent Saturday…however, instead of blogging on the plane, I played sodoku (I am currently addicted...), and instead of spending spare time on the weekend blogging, I was checking out kitchen cabinets, colors and appliances…but, today I have a topic that I could not put off writing about… the unfinished laundry will have to wait…

In honor of Jeff…

About two and a half years ago, I was filling up my water bottle in the office break room, when a guy I work with (SecureWorks’ General Counsel) came up to me and told me that I needed a new bottle. He was an older gentleman, probably early 40s and in great shape. Tall, good hair, good color and lots of energy. He looked like someone I should listen to. I asked why and he proceeded to tell me my bottle was not BPA free, and it is proven they cause cancer… I said ok… and we got into a water cooler conversation about how ‘everything’ gives you cancer… not your typical small talk, I’d say…

Then, ironically, about 6 months later, he was diagnosed with cholangiocarcinoma, an extremely rare and deadly cancer of the liver. The survival rate is very low, even when caught in early stages. In fact, most patients do not live a year after they have been diagnosed…

Not long after the diagnosis, I saw him at work… hmm… if that were me, I would NOT be coming to work… but he loved his job…THAT is passion…and it is admirable…he was the same old Jeff… You would never have even known, if you didn’t ‘know’… THAT is strength…

Well. After a long hard battle, he passed away last Friday, Sept 17. Actually, he survived longer than any other patient diagnosed with the disease. This evening, was his wake. Tomorrow will be his funeral.
I went to the wake for a little while. There were lots of people passing lots of love. It was very easy to tell he was surrounded with friends and family who loved him… and who he loved in return. His life was well celebrated.

…please pray for his wonderful family…

Even in our few encounters, he impacted my life in many ways. Here is one:

Jeff was a marathon runner. I don’t know how many he ran…lots…not half marathons. FULL MARATHONS - 26.2 miles! He and I had a couple of conversations here and there about fitness, and as a result, I decided I was ready to run my first half marathon, the ING Atlanta. Since he was an inspiration to me, I wanted to get a SecureWorks team together and run for a good cause – his. SO, that’s what happened. I talked to a few people within the organization, and they all agreed it was a good idea. We began raising money for the Cholangiocarcinoma Foundation. After lots of fundraising (and training), we raised $5000 for the foundation and had about 17 runners (one of which ran the full marathon). I’d say it was a success… He and his family were very grateful. They were going to wait at the finish line (since he was a regular runner for this particular race), however, the cancer had different plans and he was just a few miles away in Piedmont Hospital… Regardless, we were thinking of him and he was thinking of us…

We ran in honor of Jeff. This year, I ran the ING again. Sans the fundraising, it was still for him. Next year it will be for him… and the year after. And the year after. And…

He was a wonderful person and will be dearly missed… I kinda thought he was gonna beat this thing...

Capricious Capricorn

Today, the Word of the Day on my iGoogle was ‘flighty.’ (Yes, I realize this is not a challenging word. I’m not sure what the qualifying criteria is for the feed...rarely are they intellectually stimulating... I should probably switch sources...but anyway...) In the past, I would interpret ‘flighty’ with a negative connotation (maybe because various definitions include words like ‘unstable’ and 'irresponsible’)...regardless, I may be jumping to the other side of the fence. The definition my word of the day gave was:

Flighty – adj. Guided by whim or fancy

I like this definition and would probably describe myself that way these days. Not in all aspects of my life, but several. This is because I'm not certain which direction I want to take my life - primarily careerwise - so I have made the conscious decision to (at least try to) do things I find interesting, with people I enjoy being around, even if it changes... We never know when the world is going to end...or whatever...why spend the time we have behind a cubicle in misery?

...who are they calling ‘unstable’? ... I wouldn’t consider this irresponsible...

But anyway...

Because I was 'intrigued' by the word of today (I guess ‘flighty’ could at least qualify as 'thought provoking' for me, even though it wasn't necessarily vocabulary enhancing...), I did a quick Google search for other definitions, connotations, and, of course, urban dictionary usage. There were some interesting finds...but the word that really caught my attention was the synonym ‘capricious.’

I realize that’s an obvious one (what’s a synonym for synonym?), but what isn't so apparent (unless you read the title to this blog) is that I am a Capricorn, and I know for a fact that you will rarely (if ever) find capricious as a description of a Capricorn. We are organized, focused, and love rewards and recognition for our hard work... The typical Capricorn blurbs are usually true of me (in 'important' matters)...and I find myself to be much happier when I have goals and work towards them...

*Though I'm not one to really 'believe in' zodiacs and such, I think they are very interesting and definitely hold value...

OK. I'm jumping back to the other side of the fence...flighty isn't a good thing for me...Time to reevaluate my long and short term goals...focus...and kick some bottom!!

Speaking of kicking gluteus maximuses...I’m going to go now, as I'm at the kickboxing gym walking on the treadmill, skipping the class I drove over here to attend, so I can write the flighty blog I was thinking of in my car on the way over...

OK. For real this time...I am going to 1. make decisions and 2. stick to them. Nothing can stop me now!. ba ha ha!

AND I'M OFF to figure out what I want to be when I grow up...and do what it takes to become it! Bring it on, LIFE! BRING IT ON!!!

What is the soundtrack to your life?

Today is the fourth day of a three day weekend...back to the daily grind after this lovely Labor Day holiday…when the weather was beautiful, the days were long, and the company was most excellent! Matt and I had plans with friends every night, which meant lots of good eatin’ (Yeah! Burger, Amuse!, dim sum, and Matt’s own lamb chops), fun events (Dad’s Garage, LSU vs UNC) and fabulous conversations! I am so lucky to have such wonderful people in my life (new and old)!

…Since we did not go out of town to celebrate this weekend, I decided to finish a couple of lingering long-term projects (including printing/framing wedding pictures and finishing my 'places I have been' scrapbook), then start brainstorming what to do next…I love waking up to my body’s alarm, moving at my own pace, and spending the days doing things that I want to do…There is just something about creating art (even if it takes years) that is so relaxing, yet liberating and empowering!... I like to call it creative meditation... And I think all of us females (and males)need to make the time to do it every once in awhile... For the sake of our sanity and well being...:)

...but anyway...

In between sitting on my bottom gluing postcards to colorful 12x12 paper and watching improv, I stepped outside for a jog through Piedmont Park. This run was particularly interesting for a couple of reasons: 1. It was African American Gay Pride and Dragoncon weekend in Midtown. and 2. My iPhone and Matt's iPod were both dead, so I had no music...

I guess if I'm going to run without tunes, this was the weekend to do it; there was definitely good people watching and dodging! Though the crowd was not good for my pace, it reminded me what a great city I live in... Where else would it be OK even 'normal' to see lots of black gays and lesbians walking next to white guys dressed as Darth Vador holding hands with a – well, I don't know what she was supposed to look like... If only the world, even the country...let's start with our state...were as open minded...this would be a much nicer place to live...All we need is love...

...and I’m off my box...

About the silence...in the last few years, I have really 'gotten into' music (this is in large part due to my wonderful husband Matt). There is no denying its power! Sure, I've always listened to it and had favorite songs. But that's different than really appreciating it for all that it is... The countless hours of energy and talent dedicated to each piece and the widespread affects it can have on every type of person – regardless of status, race or religion... As a result, I usually want music on when I’m lounging (and ALWAYS when I'm running).

So, when I was hitting the pavement without earphones, it was a bit of a shock to my mindset. A completely different experience. As I noticed each and every ankle-twisting crack in this hosting city's sidewalks, I started thinking (yes, I realize I do that way too much already...), "If I were in a movie (starring me), and they were filming me right now jogging down Spring Street -like the intro to Juno- what would my song be? What would be on the soundtrack to my life?" (That kept me busy until I hit the crowds in the park...)

Like I would assume most people do, I have lots of them... the song changing with each phase of my life... or new boyfriend... Conveniently, I had just reviewed my life in cities via my scrapbook ;) - so that was a nice refresher of my experiences and feelings...Ultimately, I think the song that would really be THE ONE for my life- if I had to choose just one- would be Wide Open Spaces by the Dixie Chicks (fortunately for Matt, I am now out of my Ready to Run streak:))...

Who doesn't know what I'm talking about
Who's never left home, who's never struck out
To find a dream and a life of their own
A place in the clouds, a foundation of stone…
…She needs wide open spaces
Room to make her big mistakes…

Some of the others that came to mind were:

During positive phases:

I'm Every Woman by Whitney Houston
I'll do it naturally, Cause I'm every woman, It's all in me

During lost/searching phases:

I'm Like a Bird by Nelly Fertado
I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away, I don't know where my soul is, I don't know where my home is…

During stepping stone phases:

Anything but Ordinary by Avril Lavigne
…I'd rather be anything but ordinary please...

During the single phases:

Single Ladies by Beyonce
Don’t treat me to the things of this world I’m not that kind of girl Your love is what I prefer, what I deserve Is a man that makes me, then takes me And delivers me to a destiny, to infinity and beyond...

During depressed phases:
Don't let Me Get Me by Pink
Don't wanna be my friend no more I wanna be somebody else...

And if I had to choose one song for me right now, I would choose Unwritten by Natasha Beddingfield...

Drench yourself in words unspoken Live your life with arms wide open Today is where your book begins The rest is still unwritten…

...it's only fitting...:)

Actually, all of those artists have several songs that I lived... I guess it's no coincidence that they are all women...with attitude:) And there are MANY more by other artists that I could relate to at different points in my life, hell, different points in my day. If you’re feeling it, chances are someone has a song about it…and we can all relate… funny how that works…

Weird day trending analysis…

Yesterday I had a weird day. It was like my universal balance was off or getting realigned..or maybe trying to send a clue that someone close to me needs my love and thoughts.

Today I got a call from someone very close to me telling me that a big thing had changed in her life, not necessarily for the better (or worse), it is just going to cause increased anxiety over the next few weeks. And I am realizing that is not unusual: me having a weird day = someone close to me needing love. This has happened multiple times, and here’s an example of the last time I remember it happening:

Earlier this year on a Friday in February, Matt and I decided to meet at our gym’s spinning class at 6:30am (this was when we were just friends). Working out in the morning is something I strive to do. I admire those who do it. Envy may be a better description. But anyway. On that particular day, I actually did it! And Matt met me there (he is not a morning person either) -> which is one of many reasons why we are now married.

However, even though we got there early (10 mins before the class was supposed to start) it was FULL! Not a single bike left in the room! I thought, “No big deal, I’ll just do cardio on the elliptical and watch TV.” So, I went back to the locker room to grab my headphones. Unfortunately, I realized they were still in my car, since I was planning on attending the spinning class. Again, I thought “No big deal, I’m not on a tight schedule.” So, I started searching for my keys to get my head phones out of my car…then realized they were NOT in the locker room. I had locked them in my trunk with my purse. Yet again, I thought, “No big deal, I have an extra key in my magnetic box thingy behind the tire.” Then, I went to search for it, and found it--missing. Ugh. At least I have Honda Roadside Assistance… so then I worked out, watching TV with no sound until the locksmith arrived. .. Everything about that morning was unusual… but “No big deal, because Matt is with me.”

BUT THEN, after the guy unlocked my car and I got ready for work. I saw that I had missed a call from my dad… that was really out of the ordinary. Number 1: he is just as much of a non morning person as I am (and it was still before 8am). And Number 2. He rarely calls me. So, I immediately called him back. No matter how bad things may seem, they can always be worse.

He said that my mom had been in a car accident on the way to work, and was in the hospital, but she was ok. (I am thinking, “If she is so OK why am I not talking to HER?”) He didn’t give many details, but I had such a strange feeling by the time I got to work (this might have been classified as worry), I had to go home and see her. Then, as I got closer (it is a 2hr drive), I called to see if they were home yet or needed anything and that I was coming whether they invited me or not…nope- still in the hospital… she is ok my ass. I could feel it.

When I walked into the hospital room, I saw her lying in bed with a neck brace and blood all over her scrubs on the floor. That is an image you do not want to see. We said our hellos, then I got the story. She was driving along, then, less than a mile from the hospital where she works, she took a left...and a truck popped over the hill and hit her Maxima – hard. Somehow her door flew open and she was hanging half way out, holding onto the steering wheel, with her legs being dragged as the car rolled backwards down the hill she had just driven up… and into a tree. Just before the car stopped, it rolled over her back, because her legs had made their way under the car….

Talk about a hard story to hear. I love my mom more than anything in the world. She is such an incredible person. An angel. Thankfully I heard it with her sitting in front of me telling it to me one unbelievable piece at a time. I guess that’s why my dad was so short on words on the phone. She ended up breaking lumbar number one and had to wear a back brace for the next few months. (She still wears it from time to time when it hurts). But all in all everything turned out ok and she looks fabulous now 6 months later…

You can take what you want from this post, but as I am writing, I am in awe of a few concepts:

- No matter how bad you may think you have it, it could always be worse. Keep things in perspective. Locking my keys in my car is nothing to what could have been that morning.
- Make sure the ones you love know how much you love them. You never know when something could happen. I still do not do this enough and am very bothered by it. I love my mom and my whole family more than anything, and to be honest, I do not know if they know that. I do not share it enough. They live 2 hours away, and I see them maybe once a month, but I think about them all the time. I need to give. Share these feelings more often. Not keep them internalized.
- Wear your seatbelt. When I say this, I mean: don’t take unnecessary risks. Sure, have fun, but be safe about it.
- Listen to your body. I may have lots of questions regarding faith and religion, but one thing I do know, is that a higher power does know what’s going on and communicates that with us. When something doesn’t feel right, or you are thinking about someone/thing more than usual. Reach out. If nothing more, say hello. There is always a reason.

She’s says it’s cold outside and she hands me my raincoat…

These are the lyrics that started my day! oh how I LOVE Matchbox 20! It’s a shame that I rarely listen to them anymore…but on my way to work this morning, 94.1 actually played one of my favorites, 3AM! – JUST FOR ME! :) I couldn't believe my ears!

I’m not sure exactly why, but, as the song was playing, I had this feeling that today was going to standout, be a benchmark of some sort, a day to look back at and smile! And so, of course, had to immediately tell facebook… And, well, I wasn’t entirely wrong.

Even as I was typing my update to facebook (sitting at a long red light), I get a phone call from a guy I work with. (Well, I used to work with him. He’s in marketing. And I would consider him more than just a coworker, also a friend. His wife actually gave birth to their first son last Saturday, and I have been meaning to put their card in the mail –let me do that now-…ok I’m back). He was sitting right next to me at the red light and screaming at me to get off the phone (in jest)... Then he proceeded to remind me that I was not at this breakfast event I was supposed to attend this morning -- he was (I don’t even have a newborn for an excuse – OUCH!). *It is ok that I didn’t go. The event was entirely voluntary. Sure, it probably would’ve earned me brownie points, but that’s it.

*Regardless, here comes my excuse: The event was at 7:30am (and I usually set my alarm – not get up - for 8am)…I wanted to go, BUT I hit the wrong button! ARGH! I use my iPhone as an alarm (I think the only clock in our house is on the stove), and instead of pressing snooze, I did whatever else it is you do to get the thing to cease fire. It was way too early, and I went to bed way too late (Matt was hacking my nook – another post entirely)…I just wasn’t thinking clearly… OR WAS I?

Turns out the event was a flop. The speaker’s topic was intriguing (enterprise social networking), but the execution fell flat... Sweet!! I didn’t miss anything AND I got a couple extra hours of treasured sleep. SCORE!

So those were unique hump day event numbers one and two.

Next, I get to work (a little bit late – because I unset my alarm when I tried to get up for the breakfast event) and guzzle down a coffee, because I had to give a morning training to a new hire in marketing…She asked for one thing (which I prepared for), but she really wanted/needed something completely different (a good test of my working knowledge – and I’d say I passed:)). 30mins into the hour long meeting, I decided to have her do a little research on her own (with a book I read and highlighted when I first started at the company). However, this book (which I donated back to our marketing department when I switched to client services) was nowhere to be found…and when I described it – everyone seemed to think it would be very helpful – FOR THEM… where in the world could it have gone? very strange...At least I got to talk to lots of my old marketing peeps…

THEN, after I get back to my desk after trying to track down this book, I see that I have 4 different emails from my boss asking about the status of a client I have been working with. This made me very nervous, because she doesn’t normally ask questions unless something has been escalated to her… so I go to her office, give her a status and come to find out the account manager of this prospect was trying to put blame on me for making them not want to choose us (the prospect is currently in a pilot – which means they are testing our services and another company's before they decide who’s they’re going to buy.). I was sooooo taken aback. I have gone WAY above and beyond for this company! And they have not even let on as to whether they are choosing us or not. Talk about weird! I rarely hear negative feedback – especially not like that! Skip ahead 3 hours (no one from my team has contacted him directly at this point) and the account manager left my boss a voicemail saying that he was wrong and sorry and that the pilot was looking good. He had a call with the client who told him how happy he was with our responsiveness etc… HMM! I’ve not worked with him in this scenario before, but, sorry, Mister, I’m proud of what I do and as a result do my job well! You, on the other hand, may want to take a look at your communication skills…

Anyway. Those were blood pressure increasing events numbers 3 and 4. Phew.

THEN (actually in the middle of event 4) I got hungry. I had to eat a quick lunch because of several back to back meetings. As a result, I decided to walk downstairs and eat at the café in our building. Yuck. I do not like to do that. It reminds me of bad school food and it costs more than Willy’s (which I love and actually have a free meal waiting for me …because they have excellent customer service…but that’s another story too)…I ate there.Enough said. That was tasteless event number 5.

Mysterious number 6 is going to be vague. Only because this is when my day started to turn around…and I am hoping that it will mean my 2011 will be awesome. Just know that I had a good conversation with someone that I look up to and he had inspiring words to say.

The final event (lucky number seven) happened at the gym after work. When I walked in, I saw our CEO sitting, resting as if he had just had a hard workout. Nice. Of course I would see him on this day (a day that my mind would deliberately/haphazardly wear a raincoat only because it is cold outside). I said hello and went to change. Of course the only thing I had to wear was a tight tank top with shorts (how professional! argh! I rarely wear tight tank tops. I am usually very conservative with my gym outfits, just in case this happens...which it never-er rarely- does! It wasn’t inappropriate, but definitely not office attire…) anyway…we had a nice conversation. I went on and on about today being my first day of training for the Thanksgiving Day marathon. “Three months is all I need.” (He ran it last year)… he was impressed and we talked for a bit and said our goodbyes. Then, as I was turning on my music for the run, I realized I am NOT going to run the Thanksgiving Day Marathon!! What did I just tell this man?! OUR CEO!! So I IMMEDIATELY emailed him (a man who gets hundreds of emails a day) to correct myself… to tell him that I am training for the half and may or may not run it. But I am going to be prepared for the half not the full! I didn’t even realize I was telling him that I was running the marathon and not half marathon until our conversation was over and done with! that is weird! … after I emailed him, I wasn’t sure what to expect. But no response is what I thought most likely (does he really care about what I’m training for? If I weren’t me, I probably wouldn’t)…but, when I rounded out my run, I checked my mail.. and he had responded… a short response…but a response nonetheless.. :)

THEN (I forgot there was one more! the grand finale. Number eight. Like infinity.) I got in my car to go to the grocery before heading home, and seriously less than 30 seconds later, a different Matchbox 20 song came on (on the same station that normally plays pop music, 94.1)… I’m not sure which one it was – I think it was Real World...that would only be appropriate…

Oh shoot- I forgot one...probably the one that started it all...my mom sent me (and my aunts and siblings) an email this morning. Well, a forward. I don't even remember the last time I got an email from her at all. She usually calls. She sent it early this morning (5:45am). The subject was 'Fill my cup, Lord'. hmm. My cup was definitely filled today...

Thank for listening to me rant. This was just a very strange day for me (part one of my new 'story'?). I hope yours was wonderful.

As a side note, Matt's in Chicago, so I will be lonely at 3AM...

Until next time…

A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: my thoughts on the book

Last night I finished my second book on nook :), A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: what I learned by editing my life by Donald Miller. My friend and college roommate, Jennifer, recommended it to me earlier this year (on facebook), definitively telling me “This is a Tina book.” She and I have had countless conversations on faith, fate, and forgiveness (and such), so when she says something like that, I listen… and she was right…

Donald Miller is a Christian writer. His previous bestselling book, Blue Like Jazz, was the true story of his life growing up without a father. Jenn read that one while we were living together and praised it immensely. I haven’t read it yet. From what I understand, it has more religious references than A Million Miles, which had ‘some’, but you can take what you will, keep reading and still enjoy the story (if you’re not into this religion – or any religion)…

But anyway…enough about the author, let’s talk about the book… Wait a second…the book is about the author…let’s just get on with it…

In all honesty, I feel like a better person now that I have read it. It was a quick read, yet made a lasting impact on me… I must say that there were times when I was not a huge fan of his writing style – I don’t think I learned a single new vocabulary word :( , but all things considered he told a very true, very real story… It is actually quite similar to the movie Adaptation (which I reviewed a couple of posts ago).

A Million Miles is the nonfiction story of how Miller changed his life after two producers approached him with idea of making a movie out of Blue Like Jazz (true story). However, as they all sat down to write a screenplay, the producers basically said that the book itself (Donald’s life) was too boring (for a movie) and that they were going to have to spice it up a bit. Miller was offended at first, but ultimately realized they were right… and began researching what makes a good story (a good life).

He decided that a good story in its basic form involves a character who wants something and overcomes conflict to get it. And stories are better when there is a lot of risk involved – in fact, the more risk the better.

In this book, Donald describes the interesting scenes that occurred in his and his friends’ lives after the inciting incident where he realized he wasn’t fully living his life. Scenes of how his life changed, more specifically, how he changed his life, once he realized he needed to make his real life a better story (a better movie).

As usual, I am not going to go into too much detail about the meat of the book (you can Google anything you want :)), but instead am going to tell you a little portion of what I learned from the lessons his amusing anecdotes taught. I made a lot of notes along the way with this one (like I did with Eat Pray Love), and I would love to pull them out and talk to each piece individually – but #1 there are too many and #2 I can’t figure out how to view my notes in the nook without having to search through all of the pages:(

…but anyway…

For me, this book was an incredible motivator. It reinforced that I need to get out and do something with my life, make a difference in the world, leave a mark. Fully live. What the world needs is people who come ALIVE! Every day is a scene in the story I’m telling – the story I’m leaving behind for my grandchildren to hear. It is my job to question: did today move the story forward (or backward)? did I help someone else? did I help myself? what did I learn? what did I do? And if/when I don’t have a good answer to those questions- it is my responsibility to fix it! I am writing my story by the actions I take every day, and I plan to have written a damn good one by the time this story is over…

Excuse me for a moment… I am going to go create my story…

Yes. I definitely recommend this book. Especially to someone in a slump, depression, or any type of stagnant/bad phase in their life. This book reminds you that you do have control over your life. You have the ability to make your life meaningful…do your part…

The morning after...

Monday evening I went to kickboxing class (today is Thursday). I used to go several times a week, but I have not been in months now (hence the tight pants). I go to the gym and run every so often, but I really haven’t worked out hard since early June.

I paid for a year membership at Knuckle Up (the kickboxing place) last December, because I know for a fact that it gets me in shape –quick. It is some hard shizzle! When I was going earlier this year, I might have been in the best shape of my life. Seriously. And on top of that, I was in a great mental state. There’s just something about jabbing, hooking, and round kicking a 150lb dangling bag that not only strengthens your body but also your mind. I raved to pretty much everyone I know about the enormous impact of my kickboxing class (and showed them my biceps).

Then last week, a coworker/friend came to town from South Carolina. He was one of the people I raved to about the awesomeness of kickboxing earlier this year. We hadn’t really stayed in touch too well over the recent months (with my getting engaged and married and his getting engaged) but when he came to town, he definitely wanted to go kickboxing with me… and you know what I said? “I don’t feel like it.”

Really?

Well, I didn’t feel like it. I was exhausted. I’m not even sure why. Probably wasn’t getting enough sleep….but that’s not the point. The point is: I should have gotten off of my lazy ass, gone to kickboxing and spent some quality time with my good friend who was very excited about it.

To my good friend: I am sorry for not playing my part. I was not being a good friend. I wasn’t being a bad one, just not the good one that you deserve. Though you unfortunately did not have the pleasure of kickboxing, thank you for motivating me to get my ass back in ‘the gym’ and bettering my life! I went on Monday. There was a new instructor, and well, he gave me what I deserved. For the next two days I was sore, tired, grumpy and dehydrated. I took notes on how I felt and am dedicating that one to you, because, well. it was BRUTAL. The notes are below. Please forgive me.:) –Tina

Two days after my hard work out with Stephen (that was the instructor’s name), I was in awful shape. I was what you might call ‘exhausted.’ I’ve been through a lot of physical torture, but this might have been the worst two day ‘hangover’ ever. This is how I felt:

"Everything bothers me: even how my pants rub on my day-old shaven legs. My skin itches. I am cold. My mascara is smudged because my eyes itch- and I rub them. I don't feel like talking. I don't feel like listening. I am craving bad foods. I do not want to make a decision: completely indecisive. Taking really deep breaths that others may find offensive: “It’s not you, It’s me.” My legs and arms are all so sore. I don’t want to move them, yet I want to sprint up a hill to stretch them. I want to make weird faces. Stretch those muscles too…."

I really think I just needed a nap and a 32oz jug of water, but I didn’t take a nap and I didn’t drink the water. Instead, I sat at my desk in misery – ‘dreaming’ of a nap and a refill on my water…My brain was not working yesterday…as evident by the notes above...

But today it is, and I have definitely learned from this experience. I am going to get up and go to kickboxing at least once (but try for 2-3 times) a week. I do not want to feel like this again…you know how after you drink way too much, and you wake up the next morning vowing never to drink again… well… this is kinda like that…

“You Are What You Love, Not What Loves You”: my thoughts on Adaptation (the 2002 movie)

Yes, I realize the movie is old, but I had never even heard of it until Donald Miller referenced it in the book I am reading, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: what I learned by editing my life. Miller mentioned Robert McKee and Charlie Kaufman enough to arouse my curiosity in what the rest of the movie was all about. I am not going to dive into detail about the book in this post, but I found it necessary to watch Adaptation and wanted to share why. : )

Anyway. I thoroughly enjoyed the movie. Not only did I find it fascinating because I am recently getting into writing, and the movie revolved around a writer writing a screenplay (I realize it is completely different from a blog – but still :))….But also because it was an insightful ‘story’ full of good acting, unique quotes, and life lessons...

As is the case with most movies, there were several storylines. I’m going to focus on the main two.

First, Charlie Kaufman (Nicholas Cage). He is an acclaimed writer who has fallen into a depression and is having a very difficult time trying to write a screenplay for the book he’s been assigned, The Orchid Thief. He is overweight, shy, sweats profusely and is unable to make a move on the girl he loves. Meanwhile, his confident, outgoing, ‘wandering soul’ twin brother, Donald, happens to move in with him while he's fighting writer's block. Charlie was always simultaneously envious and embarrassed for his brother (but mostly embarrassed). Donald never seemed to care about what people thought. Regardless of how others treated him or what they said behind his back, he was always happy. Unfazed by the misdoings of the world…and he was happy.

Second, Susan Orlean (Meryl Streep). She is writing a book about an orchid hunter, The Orchid Thief. She is also an acclaimed writer and living ‘a perfect life.’ She has a handsome husband, nice house, and a name for herself. For the book, she researches John Laroche, the front-toothless hunter, and deeply admires his passion for orchids. While spending time in the swamp and learning how the Indians use the extraction from the ghost orchid, she faces the fact that she is unhappy in her marriage and completely out of zest for life. As a result, she tastes the ghost and ultimately finds passion for Laroche (dun dun dun)…

“Adaptation is a profound process. Means you figure out how to thrive in the world.” – Laroche to Orlean
“Yeah but it's easier for plants. I mean they have no memory. They just move on to whatever's next. With a person though, adapting is almost shameful. It's like running away.” Orlean to Laroche

I don’t want to give the ending (you can find it here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adaptation_(film) )
…but I do want to tell you one of things I took from it…

Without a passion, a goal, or a foundation of steel, you have got to be careful of where you let yourself wander (or wonder for that matter – remember the power of your mind :)). You shouldn’t let the world drive your life, you shouldn’t just ‘be’ by happenstance. Get up and control your life. You are the author of your story. Decide the type of story you want to live. Decide what is important to you. And change… (if need be :))

Orlean and Kaufman exemplify this. Orlean lost her direction. Was going through the motions, but was unhappy with her life. She turned to drugs to help her remember how to be fascinated. To help her have passion. And she ultimately ruined her life. Kaufman, on the other hand, came to this realization after having a heart to heart with his brother, who told him, “You are what you love, not what loves you…” and took the actions necessary to turn his life around.

This is the piece that I took from the movie and wanted to share, because it is applicable to me. What am I passionate about? If I didn’t have to work for the rest of my life, what would I do? I’ve got some ideas, but I haven’t yet nailed down THE GOAL….as a result, I am creating myself as I go along, hopping on lily pads. Making myself what I want to be at that phase of my life while staying true to my foundation… It’s working for now… but… I am on a search for my passion. Until then, I will not be satisfied.

Abattoir & Tina Tight Pants

Last night, my wonderful husband took me to dinner at Abattoir. Sounds romantic, right? “Honey, dress nice; I’ve made reservations at the slaughterhouse...”

However, as most Atlantans know, it really is a nice place and shares the same owner as Bacchanalia, Floataway Café and a couple of other upscale restaurants in the area. They serve different varieties of meat, raw and cooked, and are proud of the way the chilled duck fat sits so elegantly atop the jar of duck rillettes. (yes – we ordered it… duck fat at the slaughterhouse...and I thought my pants were tight BEFORE we went…)

This is a type of place foodies go... Or someone with a purpose (like trying unique dishes, impressing a date with Star Provisions status, trying to earn the right to be called a foodie, etc.). Matt and I are a foodie couple- well, mainly him, but I keep up and am a foodie by association...:)

To give you an idea, this is what we ordered:

Drinks:
Matt: Beer- Bell's Two Hearted Ale
Me: Wine- glass of Primarius Pinot Noir
Us: Bottle of Freeman Pinot Noir

Food:

'Snack'
- ham and cheese gougere
-Abattoir steak tartar, soy, quail egg

'Food in a Jar'
-Duck rillettes

'Salted | Cured | Offal'
-Veal sweetbreads, spicy plums, basil

'Local Produce'
-Roasted organic vegetables, herbs, buttermilk (yogurt)

'Sweet'
-toffee cake, molasses ice cream, streusel

It was pretty good...the best food item we ordered was the tartar...

…and I thought my pants were tight before dinner??...

Yesterday, I left the office a little late… I had an evening conference call with a client on the West Coast, and then I wanted to share my ice cream story with Thoughts and Theories. (yes, I realize the connection between the two posts..)

Matt and I had not made official plans yet, so I wasn’t in any hurry. Then, I got a call from him telling me he made reservations at 8pm at a place called HobNob. So, I finished up my blog post, grabbed my things and headed to my car…

Little did I know that it was raining cats and dogs…and the traffic bumper to bumper…the entire way home…needless to say, we ended up changing our reservations to 8:30 at Abattoir…

I was still in a hurry, so I asked Matt to pick out an outfit for me (I trust him in this area – he’s got a great sense of fashion.) ...He just happened to pick out the clothes I wore for our engagement pictures (when I was a gym rat)... Argh... the jeans were toooo tight (we will call them pounds of happiness from marital bliss...), but I wore them anyway- since he picked it out...

Bad decision... Before we even got to the car, I had turned into 'Tina Tight Pants' with an attitude the size of my newly created muffin top... (don't worry- my shirt covered it up:))...

Thankfully, I realized my attitude and the cause before we arrived to dinner- so I chilled out... Or "blamed it on the tight pants"... And we had a Great time!:)

The moral of the story is:

1. The next time you interact with someone with clothes that are a little too snug or in any way uncomfortable- give them a break, you'd be a b^+€# if you were in that too... :)

2. Wear clothes that fit AND are comfortable... Though you may be wearing them to impress someone-you aren't going to impress anyone with an awkward walk and attitude problem. :)

...This is why you'll sometimes catch me in reefs with a dress, sweatpants in the store, and shirts that poof out around the waist line...it's all for you:)

And now that I have worked out, I'm going to enjoy the pasta (Bolognese and angel hair) Matt is making for dinner... ;)

Manifesting Ice Cream: my thoughts on The Secret

About three years ago I was introduced to the documentary and book The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. Most of you have probably heard of it. Oprah, Ellen, and some other famous people promoted it heavily around that time. Basically, it tells us how to use the Law of Attraction to get what we want in life. It is quite interesting. I watched the documentary.

In the ‘movie,’ many different types of people were interviewed and gave their testimonials to the power of The Secret. They described how they used the Law of Attraction to manifest the winning lottery ticket...create a parking space...get a dream job...and many other things. Some were big and some were small. This theory applies to any aspect of your life. You can learn more about it here: http://www.thesecret.tv/index.html

The idea is that you need to first figure out what you want, then think about it, talk about it, and ‘put it in the universe.’ Similar concept to having goals, working toward them & praying/meditating about them. “Ask and it is given.”

On the flip side, if you worry and think about ‘bad’ things or things you don’t want, those events will also occur. You are attracting what happens to you with your mind. You are manifesting your destiny through your thoughts. Again, it is very interesting.

I think that is when Vision Boards became popular, as well (not sure though). Creating a vision board is a meditative process. It makes us really think about what we want... or at least have a direction. And then makes us see everyday what we want to be/be like/work towards. It keeps our goals top of mind. And leads us to them. I made one last Novemberish... and pretty much everything I pasted on it has ‘come true’ within a year...

But anyway...about the ice cream...

Today I went to lunch with a good friend of mine. We went to Panera Bread and I ate a relatively healthy meal. So, of course, when I got back to the office, I immediately wanted something sweet. I asked my teammates if they wanted to get ice cream or a milkshake for ‘team building’ time (We never eat, or 'go out' for this 'team building' time - and usually if I want something sweet, I reach for the stash of trail mix in my desk drawer.)... I received a positive, but unenthusiastic response: “maybe later.” So, later (about 45 mins), I asked again. A little more enthusiasm, but they weren’t quite ready to make the commitment...

Then...about 45 mins later – right before my next inquisition... a guy that works in the department next to us (the SOC) brought two quarts of Mayfield ice cream over! They RARELY have ice cream. In fact, I am seriously questioning whether they’ve EVER served random ice cream before. He asked so nonchalantly if we wanted any...as if he had no idea I had been dreaming of slightly melted ice cream for the last two hours!!! YES, I WANT SOME!

Anyway... that was my story. And I really enjoyed the ice cream! :)

Never underestimate the power of your mind! :)

People are like photo lenses...

…the harder you try the worse you look…

It’s true!

Seriously, you could take ten pictures of the same thing with different lenses and get totally different images. Likewise, if you ask ten different people what they thought of the same person, I bet you would get eight different answers… consistently…

From one person to the next, your personality and demeanor are presented and received differently.

It’s a marvelous concept: the photos you’re looking at are the camera’s interpretation of you…
and, well, the way you act is your interpretation of what you think the other person thinks of you…

Not everyone may be this way…but I know I am…and not only do I look/ act differently around different types of people… but my thoughts and feelings change, as well… …However, in reality, I’m sure the way I feel is actually what is causing me to act differently…

For instance:

When I am with my husband, I feel confident and smart and beautiful. I openly engage in our conversations with intelligent ideas (sometimes) and silly remarks. I don’t think (too hard) about the things I say or actions I take. And I often surprise myself with the clever words that flow out of my mouth. I have always been this way with him. And I think that is why he loves me (and why I love him) …because he has seen the best sides of me – because his presence brings them out.

However, when I am with, let’s say, a potential employer or one who in some way intimidates me, it is a COMPLETELY different ball game. I try so hard, yet bits of information that I could otherwise impress them with (and normally recite at the drop of a dime), escape me… and not only that – they are replaced with comments and phrases that don’t make any sense and are often self-deprecating in the oddest of circumstances…

That ‘game’ is annoying! It is frustrating, and it tends to tarnish the other lenses that were ‘perfect’ before - due to the strength I use to beat myself up afterwards…it is a weakness. And a weakness I have chosen to work on.

I want to choose one lens. A lens that sees all different aspects of me, but a lens that sees those aspects in the best of lights. All the time. Even when I do something silly…or something that doesn’t make sense (which is often). I want this lens to even love those ‘pictures’ the same as any other.

My problem is not in my current ‘world,’ but in the obscurity of moving - getting to where I’d like to be. I have a lot to offer, and all I have to do is prove it. I am no longer going to let the wrong lens get in the way of that…

In other words, I am going to love myself, believe in myself – genuinely, unconditionally and eternally. Just as much out of the protective walls of my comfort zone as in them.

As part of this initiative, I am going to be very conscious of picking the right people to be around. I’m going to deliberately choose the best lenses.

In all honesty, I think I’m already pretty good at that. I am constantly surrounded by people I love, people who love me, people I admire and people I would like to be more like. And when I find myself making a habit of being around a person who does not in some way add value to my life or I am adding value to their life… I move along.

But I am going to pay even more attention this time around. I am going to make a point to be around those who really bring out the best in me and then I’m going to remember how that feels. I am going to meditate on that feeling. Let that feeling carry me through the tough times. And then I am going to somehow communicate with those people how much they really mean to me...loving myself makes it so much easier to love other people…

Eat Pray Love: my thoughts on the movie

*not a spoiler*

So, as mentioned in my last post (just a few hours ago) I could NOT wait to see the movie…so I didn’t… Matt, my husband, and I made a date to see it at Atlantic Station after my team meeting at Twisted Taco. (He’s very sweet.)

On my way from Twisted Taco to Atlantic Station, I talked to my mom and of course let her know where I was going. She had seen the previews and thought it would be a good movie, as well. (This is cool, because she’s not really a movie person) … then I mentioned how much I loved the book and that I read it twice and couldn’t get enough, yadda yadda ya…and her first response: ‘well, you’re probably not gonna like the movie then…’ I was a bit taken aback…my mother is a very positive person- pretty much always… in fact, we had just finished a conversation where I had been telling her about a particularly trying circumstance in my life, but that I wasn’t ‘stressing’ about it because she has been such an incredible example to teach me that, in a nutshell, ‘this too shall pass’…

Anyhow, she was right…sort of… I did enjoy the movie…but the book was SOOO much better…they always are… (that was her point)… I think that if you have read Eat Pray Love in the past, that you should watch the movie and THEN reread it (if you have plans to reread)… not reread it first (like I did)… but if you have never read the book, I think you should read it first and then watch the movie. There is a lot of information you need to take from the book and insert into the movie yourself… because a movie just can’t portray all of her thoughts…To sum it up:

If you have never read the book -> do that first
If you read the book a long time ago->watch the movie (and then reread)

Overall, I was very happy that Julia Roberts (aka me) played Liz. I think she did a fine job. The same as I felt I was Gilbert in the book, I felt I was Julia in the movie (however, this time it is because she physically looks like me:)). I did cry, but I think its success is primarily going to ride off of the popularity of the book… you just can’t compare.

Eat Pray Love: my thoughts on the book

*not a spoiler*

The first time I read this book was way back when Oprah was promoting it. 2007-8ish. I was going through a struggle in my own life at the time and absolutely could not put it down. Gilbert was somehow able to say exactly what I was feeling - regardless of the fact that I was 23 and she was 30. I felt like I was there with her…or more accurately… like I was her.

This book helped me realize that it is ok to ‘fall apart’ sometimes. That it is ok to be completely, 100% self-engaged – self absorbed. That you have to listen to your Self – YOUR god. That you, I, we know what is best for us; we just need to listen to what we are saying - not only hear, but listen- and act...

After reading this book the first time, I made a lot of changes in my life. I made a lot of bold decisions…All of which were hard and all of which I am still proud of… The second time around was just as powerful. I have decided to take a close look at my life. What I love, what I don’t…and what I’m going to do to get more of what I love and less of what I don’t.

Many books talk about that sort of thing… you know - believing in yourself, going after your dreams, etc… but Gilbert writes her journey through Italy, India and Indonesia in a way that you (or at least I) can relate to. That I can REALLY understand… like a light bulb moment… but more like a light shining within you, not a bulb floating above your forehead…

These weren’t the only things I discovered... I vicariously tasted the best pasta in Rome, rekindled a motivation to practice yoga, and learned the term ‘banana water’ ... among the many other phrases and such that I highlighted and made notes on in my new nook:)

Actually, this book was my motivation to start a blog… yep – TWO YEARS AGO! I’ve been thinking about it for two years… and now, as the movie starring Julia Roberts - aka ME - comes out, I am FINALLY getting around to it! …you can thank (or blame) Elizabeth Gilbert for this blog and all of its contents :).

So, the point is, I LOVE this book. I highly recommend it to any and everyone! In all honesty, it may actually be my all time favorite…

Now I canNOT wait to see the movie!!!

I got a nook!

As mentioned in my last post, I’ve had a hard time figuring out where to start. I have lots of good topics and content in my notes– why aren’t the words just pouring out? I think I need some (more) small talk first. In the real world, I wouldn’t just start babbling all of my deepest thoughts and theories without at least a little intro … and, even then, I wouldn’t randomly discuss a thought or theory without some event to provoke it… why would I think it would work that way with my blog?

Is it because its name is Thoughts and Theories? Does shampoo work any different because it has a new bottle? A new disguise. Nope and nope. I’m still the same me whether I’m writing behind a blog or talking to an acquaintance… so… let’s start with a little day-to-day…

In the last week and a 3/4(since I last posted on facebook), I have been quite busy. Not productive – busy.

On Wednesday, Aug 4th, I attended a bridal shower for a good work friend of mine. She is young, beautiful and completely in love with her high school sweetheart. It’s cute. This shower is actually where I decided I was going to take a break from facebook. You see, I had the chance to catch up with the marketing department (for which I used to work). They organized it and invited me since I used to work with them and was pretty good friends with the bride-to-be. I love everyone on the team. It is much bigger than when I first started there, but every bit as spicy… Considering they were my first ‘team’ out of college, no team will ever compete…kind of like a first love…Anyway, at some point, the conversation managed to revert to the fact that I am very active on facebook… none of them *were*… so, I said then and there that I would take a break. And did. Interestingly enough – they all became more active… funny how that works. I wonder if they miss me…if they somehow felt the need to ‘step up’ and provide the ‘entertainment’ that I am now forbidden to give... uhh… right…

The following Saturday, after I got my nails done and had a nice homemade breakfast sandwich (fried egg, bacon, lettuce, tomato and cheese on toasted wheat bread), my husband, Matt, his friend, Skip, and I all walked over to Barnes and Noble/ Starbucks to get a coffee… and I, of course, needed to get a book. I wanted to re-read Eat Pray Love before watching the movie, but could not fathom paying $12 dollars when Matt and I both have a copy in storage… so I didn’t. Instead, I bought a $150 Nook and $10 Eat Pray Love. Hmm.

But I’ve got to say. I love it. This thing is so convenient. I took it to the beach with me, didn’t have to worry about pages flapping everywhere, only needed one hand to hold AND turn the pages, was able to read bigger font, made highlights and notes on interesting pages, viewed a new personal picture every time I picked it up… and overall just loved the thing. It was definitely an impulse purchase, but an impulse purchase I do not regret. I am excited to build my library and share with my nook friends :)

I’m also hoping this will encourage me to read more. Reading more will probably make this blog a little more interesting… I like books that make you think AND feel good…any suggestions?

Starting a blog: where to begin…?

OK. So now that I have written my dutiful post on ‘facebook,’ I am free to write about whatever I want… this is where it gets difficult, especially considering I kinda sorta made the promise to keep these posts ‘short.’ There is always so much more to cover, so much more depth to EVERY one of these topics… (How do preachers do it?)

I have wanted to start a blog for many months, and, once I decided to quit facebook for a little while, I thought it the best time to start taking notes for blog topics. **I have to confess…I didn’t really quit facebook. I still check it regularly, I just do not post, like or comment. This keeps me ‘in the know’ without receiving constant updates to my phone. However, I feel a tad guilty. The same sort of guilty I feel when I don’t leave my change in the tip jar at the coffee shop. A feeling that would be very easily overcome if I contributed my extra .25 or my random thought. Why put myself through all of this suffering, when I, and the barista and my faceook friends, would be better off if I just gave a little? Yes, as mentioned in my last blog post, I will be posting on facebook again once my two weeks are up. In all honesty, I might not even make it those two weeks. We shall see…

Now, as I was saying, I am really not sure where to begin. I have been jotting down notes on topics for about a week now. None of which really resemble my facebook status updates…surprisingly enough. The topics I decided to write down were much more personal than my typical updates. They were topics that I think about. Topics that I rarely talk about.

I guess what I’m saying is…welcome to my mind…uncut…

***and I’m still left wondering where to start…I think I’m going to go with something light…I’m not quite ready to get the comment “you need a therapist”….

Facebook: The Good, the Bad, and the Connected

First, the beginning: I adopted facebook relatively early, (compared to other people at Valdosta State University) 2005 – I think. Many of my good friends were techies and introduced me to a number of up and coming Internet games, social networks, etc. I would often briefly investigate then go on about my day. (I preferred flag football, softball or the gym to staring at my computer for entertainment.) However, I remember when Moser (a friend from AFROTC) told me about it (over the phone as he was moving my mouse and keyboard remotely) and that I HAD to join. It was going to be huge. It was super easy and only college students were allowed ‘in.’ His enthusiasm was especially interesting, so I jumped aboard. It didn’t have near the functionality it does today, but it was still cool, and I logged in at least once a month.

Next, the now: Five years later, I find myself regularly logging in – needing to read “I can’t believe it’s Monday already!” and “I’m getting married in 275 days!” and “I wish this headache would go away…” and “Little Johnny is the cutest! He just pooped while I was changing his diaper!” Seriously? It is Monday, I’m not invited to your wedding, I don’t care about your headache, and that is just gross. But I read it anyway….because among those mundane posts are little diamonds that I can relate to, laugh at, sing along to, or, for whatever reason, care about. And…I want those people to read my posts, too…and comment, ‘like’ or somehow be active on my page.

But aside from that… facebook is way more…Facebook connects me to those who I have not seen in years, brings me closer to those that I may not have even ‘known’ otherwise and keeps me in the deep and dirty of those I ‘thought I knew, but had no idea.’

The point is, ‘everyone’ (even your mom) is on facebook and there is a level of satisfaction in staying connected…

I guess I’ve posted all of this to basically say that once this two weeks is over, I am going to start posting again. I like posting and know that a lot of good has come of it. I’m relatively careful about what I post (considering I have picked up nearly 700 friends) and enjoy the conversations that I otherwise would not have had (because I’m a little awkward in person, but that’s another post ~that I’ve been brainstorming~ all together).

As a side note, I want to emphasize that it is much harder to actually post thoughts in paragraph form as opposed to one sentence blurbs. In recent months I’ve noticed myself thinking in status updates (this may be why friends have called me out on being addicted - not that I’m always actually on it- but that I am always thinking about it)…explaining your random thoughts takes a lot more energy than just posting them…

Facebook Rehab: How I Dealt

Hello. My name is Tina, and I’m a facebookaholic…well, maybe that is an exaggeration… I mean, I only post(ed) 1-2 updates per day and check(ed) my iPhone app when bored or expecting an interesting update from someone…but, nonetheless, I have been confronted and tagged as such (on several occasions) and have finally decided to ‘do something about it.’

The ‘something’ I decided to do was take a two week hiatus from facebook (with fair warning to my ‘friends’) and start a blog – this blog – “Thoughts and Theories.”… Welcome and thank you for reading! :)

Naturally, I hope you enjoy it, but also understand that you may not. Though I care if you do not, I’m not going to focus on that (unless you would like to give me feedback on how to make it ‘better’ – in which case I would love for you to comment or contact me privately. My contact info can be found somewhere on this page. ~At this point, I am writing in a Word doc and have not finished the layout- but I digress-), I am most interested in those who ‘like’ it. This is because ‘Thoughts and Theories’ is going to survive on your feedback – so please somehow correspond with me if you do… it will keep me motivated to continue.:)

Now that that is out of the way… I would like to talk about my proclaimed ‘addiction’ to facebook and my thoughts since I have stopped posting… (this is going to be post number two, because I’m going to try to make a habit of keeping the posts relatively short and ‘to the point.’)